Crying > Coping > Main Character Energy

So…I just turned 30 (2 months ago).
Which is wild, because mentally I still feel 22, emotionally I’m 55, and physically? Somewhere between a Pilates girlie and a grandma with a heating pad.

But here’s the thing: this year, I’m choosing me. Not in the cliché, hashtag self-love way. I mean really choosing myself. Saying no more often. Trusting my gut. Letting go of versions of me that played small just to be liked.

Thirty feels like shedding, softening, and finally stepping into something real. And honestly? I’m kinda into it.

Change doesn’t always come in softly. Sometimes it shows up unannounced, flips your world upside down, and leaves you staring at your ceiling asking, “What the hell am I even doing?”

It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. It’s the emotional version of growing out your bangs and wondering if you made a mistake, but deep down, you know you didn’t.

That’s where I am right now.
Somewhere in between who I was and who I’m becoming.

You know that moment when you’re tired of being unhappy and you start wanting more for yourself? Yes, that. I’m relearning who I am. Letting go of old habits, old narratives, old versions of me that once felt safe, but now feel like wearing jeans that don’t fit anymore.

And while this growth thing sounds empowering, sometimes it just feels like confusion with a little hope sprinkled in.

Even in the mess, there’s this quiet knowing, that this discomfort is leading somewhere good. That I’m not falling apart, I’m unfolding.

Because change isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you’ve always been… underneath the fear, the overthinking, the self doubt, the people-pleasing, the “shoulds.”

If you’re also in a weird little season of becoming, just know this:

You’re not behind.
You’re not lost.
You’re just in progress.

And progress doesn’t always look cute on the outside. Sometimes it looks like crying at 2PM, deleting Instagram, buying a journal to deal with your intrusive thoughts, or making playlists at midnight. Still counts.

Change is weird. Growth is weird. But staying stuck just to feel comfortable? That’s even weirder.

So here’s to letting go, starting over, getting uncomfortable, and trusting that the new chapter is going to be so damn worth it.

We’re going to be okay. Actually, we’re going to be better.