I hate change (but I hate being stuck more)

Letting go of a past relationship feels like being asked to erase a chapter of your life that still smells like your favourite candle and sounds like your shared playlist. It doesn’t matter if it ended amicably, messily, or somewhere in between, it still lingers. The what-ifs. The familiar routines. The comfort of knowing how someone takes their coffee or laughs at dumb memes.

And if you’re anything like me, change isn’t something you run toward. It’s something that feels like it’s ripping the floor out from under you. I hate it. I really do. I hate the uncertainty, the silence after someone you used to text 20 times a day disappears, the “starting over” part. It’s exhausting. But what’s even harder? Staying stuck in something that no longer exists. Clinging to a version of life that isn’t real anymore.

It’s okay to admit it hurts. It’s okay to admit you miss them. And it’s okay to take your time. But eventually, gently, you have to come back to yourself. To the version of you that existed before them. To the version that will exist after.

Here are 3 healthy, realistic ways to start focusing on yourself post-breakup, no toxic positivity, no glow-up pressure, just you, healing:

1. romanticize the little things.
Make your morning coffee like it’s your love language. Go on walks like you’re the main character in an indie film. Light candles. Listen to sad music. Listen to happy music. Create an atmosphere in your day that makes you feel good, even if it’s small. You don’t need a full rebrand, you just need to start caring for yourself like someone you love.

2. do something that requires your hands.
Paint. Cook. Build something. Garden. Journal. Rearrange your room. There’s something healing about doing something physical that gets you out of your head and into the present. It won’t magically fix everything, but it’ll remind you that your life is still yours. That you can still create something out of the mess.

3. reconnect with people who remind you who you are.
Not people who want to talk about your ex for hours, but the ones who make you laugh really hard, who text you to go to a random coffee shop on a Sunday, who make you feel like yourself again. Healing isn’t about isolation. It’s about choosing better connection.

4. go blonde (I might be kidding)
Sometimes, healing starts with bleach. Or bangs. Or a bob. Changing your hair doesn’t solve everything, but it can give you that subtle “I’m back, and I don’t care” kind of energy. It’s symbolic. It’s fun. It reminds you that you’re in control, and that you’re allowed to reinvent yourself as many times as you want.

Change sucks sometimes. It’s hard. It’s messy. And if you hate change, like I do, every part of it might feel like a fight. But you deserve a life that feels like yours again. One where you don’t have to pretend to be over it, but where, one day, you’ll notice that you kind of are.